You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
