...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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