Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you still have your period?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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