Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
