Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
