dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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