she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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