she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
