It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
