if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize