are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
