So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
