I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
