I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
