Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
