garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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