Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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