I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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