Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
