fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
