The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
