When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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