WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
