I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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