Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
