someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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