and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
