i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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