I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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