is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
