I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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