She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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