I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like eating out sand paper
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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