Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
