She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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