we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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