I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
