do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
