Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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