Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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