That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
