i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
