wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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