Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
