i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
