Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
