party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
