how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
