They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
