Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
