Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
