Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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