i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
