smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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