Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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