my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
