ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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