He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
