her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
