I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize