We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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