My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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