I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
