I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize