just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
return my video game
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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