im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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