toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
