"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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