I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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