Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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