he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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