dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
