It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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