I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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