Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
