Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You took a bar mat shot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
