he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
