I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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